Twas the Night Before Smismass
by Politically Undead
Summary: A retelling of the popular "Twas the Night before Christmas" with a few of your favorite Mercenaries, and Saint Heavy.


Twas the Night before Smismass, an all where allies. Not a Merc. was stirring, not even the spies.

The Medic hanged the stockings with care, While the Pyro gave him a most ominous stare.

The mercinaries lay sprawled out all over their beds, the soldier was cuddled all up with his heads!

Helen and Miss Pauling, with their homicidal obsession, had just finished packing for a long winter vacation.

When outside the base their came such a clatter, the Pyro arose to see what was the matter.

To the outside of Tuefort he flew like a flash, taking a lighter out of his secret stash.

The moon's brilliant reflection on the water below, Tempted the pyro to walk oh so slow.

When to his...eh…goggles what should appear, but a big soviet slay and eight metal reindeer.

The large Russian driver, so imposing and hefty,

Looked just like a red caped bearded version of Heavy,

More rapid then scouts his coursers they came and he bellowed and cursed and called them by name,

On pootis, on sandvich, on medic, and Stalin,

On demoknight, cry spy, spychecke and Lenin,

These babies below want the presents we give,

If they do not like them then they will no longer live!

The pyro head cocked in lack of understanding,

Watched as they flew to the roof for a landing.

The deer spittered and sputtered and randomly exploded,

St. Heavy and sleigh crash landed undaunted,

The pyro rushed in the base all giddy with glee,

And in his excitement burned down the Smismass tree.

The pyro continued his journey to the room of intel, He stopped in his traks as he heard a deep yell.

As the pyro drew his head and was turning it around, threw a new hole in the roof came St Heavy a bound,

He was dressed in red and black from his head to his foot, he was covered in the oil of his reindeer gone kapoot.

A bag full of weapons he flung on his back, he looked like a garbage man opening his pack.

His stare so icy, his features so stoic,

His size was impressive, though his presence not heroic,

His large gaping mouth was drawn up like a bow,

The beard on his chin was as white as the snow.

With sandvich in hand and sack on his back,

St Heavy began his smismass attack,

He had small head and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, A jolly old Merc.

Apon seeing the pyro St. heavy gave him a smirk,

With the wink of an eye and a twist of his head,

Gave pyro to know he had nothing to dread,

With finger pressed to his lip he said not a word, then the work of gift giving finally occurred,

And laying his finger aside of his nose, He gave a quick nod and up the hole he rose,

A new team of botdeer assembled at his calling, which attracted the attention of Helen and Miss Pualing,

And the Pyro heard him exclaime, 'ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Smismass to all and to babies good night!

"How'd ya like the story mate?!" the sniper asked, Pyro responded by excitedly clapping his hands.

The Sniper, pyro and spy all sat near the fire place inside a nice cozy cabin. The Sniper and spy both sat in large red chairs opposite each other, while the pyro sat cross-legged in front of the sniper.

"I thought it was petty, and unoriginal," the spy complained, "You'd think whoever wrote zat would have better rhyming abilities and…how you say…grammar."

"Aww piss off you back-stabbing mongrel!" the sniper hissed, "Just wait till next year, I've got a real treat for all of ya!"

"I'm afraid to ask…" the spy groaned

"Next year, I'm telling you a Smismass carol! It's a great story about a crotchety bact-stabb'en spy who, through the aid of his fellow mercenaries, learns the true meaning of Smismass!"

"I can not wait." the spy again groaned sarcastically.

"Well, better head off to bed then, G'night mates!" the sniper chirped, "Oh, and merry Smismass!"

"Mph, mmphmph, mphy mmm!" the pyro exclaimed, which probably ment God bless us, every one.

(Thank you all for reading my silly parody poem, I hope you enjoyed it! The whole Smismass carol thing was actually true; I am working on that for next year! It was going to be this year, but I started way too late!

I hope you all have one friggen awesome Christmas! And please be sure to comment, as constructive criticism helps, and compliments are very encouraging for me. Thank you again guys and God bless, or if you're not religious, the flying spaghetti monster bless you XD)

Love, and merry Christmas, Politicallyundead!)


End file.
